Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
