I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
