i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
