and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
