Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
