I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
