I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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