I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
