In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
