Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize