drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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