it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
