I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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