Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
