Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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