I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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