Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize