Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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