did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
