I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
