i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
