Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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