Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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