I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
