Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
