He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
