I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
