i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
