I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
pop tarts are not kleenex
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
