Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
