Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he puts the penis in happiness.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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