I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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