Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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