Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You can't motorboat a personality
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
