this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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