Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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