i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
