im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
