Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
