im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize