Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
