My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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