You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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