For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
