Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
