White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize