theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
