Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
