what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
