If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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