Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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