you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
