had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
