I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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