I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
