Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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