i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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