Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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