Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
