hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
