Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
