His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
