____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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