I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
