I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
