biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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