1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
