I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
