last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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