I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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