I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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