this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
