THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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