we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
