Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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