If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
