there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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