At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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