No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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