Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
