eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
