just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
