I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
