dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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