i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
