When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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