remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
