What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
