Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
