She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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