peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
