TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
