I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We got so high we made milksteak
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
