it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
