Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
