My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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