that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
