So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize