All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
