The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
