dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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