I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
