I accidentally burped into my bong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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