before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
