What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
