Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
did i just pee glitter
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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