I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize