I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
