One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
